Friday, October 05, 2012

Dilemma

This darling wild thing...


When Katie pinches or pulls hair we put her in time out (she was even in time out at church!)  But in the car-what do you do?  Anna's right there within reach, and when Katie wants her attention...  I'm at a loss.  
Any help?

7 comments:

In the Mix said...

Lots of spankings. ;)
Seriously though, pulling the car over? Take her blankie away (if she has it)? Create a temporary barrier that only you or Anna can move?
I really have no idea.

betsyann said...

We've been taking blankie-I don't love using him for punishment, but I don't know what else to do. When I'm driving there's no way for me to take it and I don't like the idea of Anna doling out punishment either. I thought of trying one of those popup window shields and sticking it between the seats-maybe I'll have to find one...

dbilberry said...

That is tough! Fortunately I have a lot of experience with age from daycare.

How is her receptive language? I know words are limited at that age, but if she can understand a lot of what you say, redirection is the best way to go at that age. Anna can even help with this. You could role play with her. Acting it out with Anna in front of Katie. Have Anna pretend to grab your hair. Catch her hand and redirect it to pat gently instead of grabbing. Say, "No grab! Gentle hands, gentle hands." Redirect Anna's hand on how to be gentle.

Do it again, only this time Anna does it the right way. Lavish Anna with praise. "Yes, Anna. Gentle! Good. Gentle! No grab, gentle. Yes!" Be very animated about it.

You could even try to see if Katie and can show you gentle after she sees you both do it. She'll probably think it's a game, great fun!

Of course you'll have to clue Anna in on what you're doing and why. You may even want to do this in the car where she does the offense the most so she can make the connections.

The main thing is to teach her what to do instead of what not to do. I've had to deal with a lot of hitting in daycare. There is no easy fix, but with a lot of patience and redirection, eventually they get it. Be prepared though, it could take awhile to soak in. Stay consistent.

Also, you'll need to help Anna understand that she is dong this because she wants her attention and that if Katie starts to do it right, that Anna needs to acknowledge that and shower her with praise and give her the little attention she seeks. If Katie does it wrong, have Anna continue to say what you practiced. "No grab, gentle hands Katie. Gentle!." I had Kadyn help me and it helped when I couldn't be right there to do it.


Maybe you've already done this, if so. That's all I've got. Good luck! Hope it helps!!!

The Gray Roach said...

We once pulled the car over and left Charis in it for a time out. It drove her nuts to be in the car alone. But then, she still had tantrums after that, but not as many in the car. Like Sarah, I'm at a loss!

betsyann said...

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your experience Darci! I know the advantages of seeing more than just your own kids at various stages. :) We're working on redirecting, and my Dad suggested that if she got negative feedback from Anna, that would help. So Anna's reacting a bit more now (she's so so so very turn the other cheek about it all-now at least she's telling Katie "I don't like that! That hurts me!" We'll see. She's a darling cherub.

Janie said...

We got VERY frustrated just from one trip home with the two bigs sitting next to each other. So Elliott is now in the middle. It's a big pain to reach in the middle to put his carseat in over another booster seat. But man, it's so much better than the two bigs being able to touch. Though, poor Elliott gets bugged much more than he should! But they're much nicer to him than they are each other. We need a minivan, as much as I hate to say it. I always feel like the car is a losing battle.

mllr said...

Gee, maybe you are all better parents than me. I was going to say pull her hair when she pulls Anna's, pinch her when she pinches Anna. Tell her "this is what it feels like, don't do it again!" An eye for an eye kinda thing.